Why Did He Marry the Next Woman and Not Me?



As I was watching reruns of one of my favorite show, “Sex and the City.” The episode was about when Mr. Big told Carrie that he was getting married to a 25 year old woman named Natasha. Carrie often referred to this woman as AKA idiot stick figure. Most “Sex and the City,” fansΒ  know that Mr. Big told Carrie that he would never marry again after previously being married. On “Love and Hip Hop: New York,” a similar situation happened. Tara who was with Peter for many years plus two children later found out that Peter had secretly married another woman named Aminah after knowing her for a short time. I recently saw a video of Faith Evans and Lil Kim dancing together at the Bad Boy Reunion Concert and the situation was very similar. Notorious BIG knew Lil Kim first and was dating her or shall I say they were Friends with Benefits, but he immediately married Faith Evans after knowing her for a week or two. When Carrie said to Mr. Big on this particular episode “why her and not me?” I felt her pain. So this got me to thinking, “Why Do Men Date Women for Years then Marry the Next Woman?”

I personally have had girlfriends who have been in similar circumstances and they are often hurt beyond measure when this happens. I would like to share some theories on why this may happen:

  1. He does not love you: You may be a great person and/or he may be financially benefiting from the relationship with you, but deep down he knows that you may not be what he values in a wife.
  2. You helped him become a better man for the next woman: Every relationship is always a learning experience whether good, bad, or indifferent. Most young boys become mature well rounded men through trial and error in relationships.I do think that many women feel hurt because they contributed to their partners growth (traveling, resume support, financial support or financial sacrifice) the list could go on and on. Here is the thing helping your boyfriend become a better person is just that.Β  You want to help build up someone you love so that they can reach there full potential. This is why I like to use the word help mate. You support your partner because you love them, but know that the love may not last.What you invested may mean he withdraw and make those investments in a new relationship. Tia Mowry from ‘The Real,” often use a phrase I love, “Man’s Rejection is God’s Protection.” At the end of the day sometimes people are just not good or the right fit for each other.

If you are unsure where you land with your man it’s time to have a serious conversation about your needs and desires toΒ  confirm you both have the same view of the future; otherwise, when the commitments are doled out, you might find yourself on the outside looking in.

Ms.Culture Keeper-


27 Comments Add yours

  1. L says:

    Interesting topic and so needed. I have been in this same situation a 10 year relationship after 10 years a son but he married someone else ( as of now that marriage ended). But still it’s the fact that everything we talked about as far as marriage he did with someone else.


    1. Thanks for feedback and please share with your Facebook friends. This is my new lifestyle blog for Women of Color here to support and empower each other


    2. Susan says:

      Sister’s we must be smart around affairs of the heart. Be clear about what you want. If you want marriage please don’t date your man indefinitely. Get out of there.
      If he doesn’t want to commit, listen to him and get to stepping.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Saundra says:

        Wow, I really enjoyed the topic. My girlfriend once reminded me that when a man wants you, he will do whatever he can to be with you, simple as that. I agree with Susan….get to stepping and quickly. Don’t waste your valuable time on someone who doesn’t value you.


  2. savvyesposito says:

    This was a great topic! Truly enjoyed your article! I never really thought about that. I haven’t watched the shows listed above, but it’s true that there are men out there that date, and date, and will stay with a woman and then it’s the woman after her that they marry. I did some research on average ages of marriage and men marry later than women (possibly biological difference since women have a certain time range to have kids). It usually takes men much longer to emotionally mature, and women often are ready for all of life’s responsibilities before men are ready to take that step down the aisle.


  3. I appreciate that you said you made him a better man for the next person. Sometimes we have to understand that as we grow, we may outgrow each other.


  4. Great articleeee, truly enjoyed it! By the way your bloggg layout lookss amazing and special! love it!


  5. Shelby says:

    This is a great topic because a lot of woman wonder this constantly. Honestly, I dont think and of us will ever know exactly why things happen the way they do. I dont think there’s a specific reason. Good read 😊


  6. It’s always so crazy to hear stories like this! I think it just wasn’t the right time and when you know, you know!


  7. I am Geemiz says:

    Interesting and great reference. So far never did I have a personal encounter of this situation and none of my friends did too. But will share this to them.


  8. Deserted_Queen says:

    Great topic. I haven’t seen these TV series, but I have seen men like you described. We always should be looking for signs.


  9. I am one of the few that did marry her best friend and soul mate, I am blessed!


  10. My dream was always to become a mom. I never really cared to get married or be in a relationship, is wasn’t the norm from what I knew. While pregnant with my daughter 9 years ago and very much in love I told my then boyfriend he had two years to decide what he wanted. I later learned he was planning on asking me on Christmas eve when we would be around family and friends but I ruined the surprised. We have now been together 11 years and married 7 years with five children. Point is set a limit or goals and if not met move on!


  11. Corina says:

    This is an unique topic and I really enjoyed it. expecting some more posts from you like this.
    xo Corina


  12. Ellie Plummer says:

    This was such an interesting read. I have never really thought about the difference between men getting married and women getting married before but I think that women mature a lot earlier, whereas men just want to stay young and free.


  13. Sondra Barker says:

    I really enjoyed reading this. It’s an interesting topic that needs to be spoken about more. Thank you for sharing.


  14. My grandmother always told me that some ppl are meant to be in your life for a season, it’s ok to let those people go when it’s time to. I would also like to say that I believe God has a plan for us and it could just be that he/she was not meant for you in the long term, but for you to learn something from the experience


  15. Find the man that who can accept you for who you are and don’t settle yourself if you feel unsure. I’m very relate on this topic. The theory 1 attacks me! HAHAHA


  16. Shaily says:

    Lovely post! I love the phrase you quoted ‘β€œMan’s Rejection is God’s Protection.” I agree sometimes it’s just that people are not the right fit for each other. Some of my friends who badly need to read this post. I’ll be sharing this with them.


  17. Olivia says:

    Great post, I shared it with my friends!!πŸ˜ŠπŸ’—


  18. Anna Horvath says:

    Hmm, you made me thinking… πŸ™‚ I really do think this is an existing phenomenon. The man it his first serious relationship that long for years learn how to responsible and he to make sacrifices. By the time, he will blame the woman for the changes and for the fact, that the fun life had ended. He meets the next woman who is, younger, independent, and simple new. The man forgets, that someday, years before, his first woman was the same.

    The thing is, the second woman will be ‘used’ as well by time, if the man doesn’t take a good emotional care of his woman. So the circle begins again. They will never realise, a woman is mirror and we reflects how we have been treated.

    The only way for a woman to stay ‘precious’ is to stay independent even in relationship.


  19. Christa Anne says:

    Comparison truly is the thief of joy. It is difficult to not compare ourselves to other women, but trying to figure out why one relationship works and another didn’t is futile. The pain of a relationship that ended is very real, and I hope this post helps others.


  20. Lisa Rios says:

    This is a rough situation, but in reality we cannot control what other people feel about us. And sometimes the “right person” comes along for someone else, and we are not it.


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