Sharing your goals and dreams with people is tricky. Your goals may be something similar to losing weight, starting a business, quitting a job to pursue other passions, or starting a family.  Often when we share our goals with family and friends, at times they can be the biggest naysayers in your circle.  You will notice as you began to share your aspirations with people, all of the sudden, they will start telling you why this new direction you are taking is WRONG and nothing good will come of it.  So how do you deal with all of these pessimistic individuals who are trying to tear you down, or as most people would refer to them as: Haters.

Now for the record, I have no issue with someone who is giving me honest feedback on risks and benefits of things such as career advice or child rearing. However, there is a difference for some people who really fear what happens if you become successful. Often times the real motive is that you have something that they don’t possess and they understand and see it. When I started my blog, so many friends/family gave me great feedback but some did not support me the way I thought they would; but that is okay. There is a benefit to naysayers; it can motivate you and force you to work harder. That is what I have chosen to do. Just because someone does not fully support your choice or vision is not necessarily a bad thing.  I do think it is important to ask yourself some questions.  For example could my hater be right? What do they see that my supporters don’t—or do, but don’t have the guts to say? Those who openly oppose you are often the ones who see you most clearly.  Just because someone is jealous of you, disagrees or does not like you does not necessarily mean that their views are totally inaccurate.  You may still gain something from them.

In my experience, I have found that mostly haters, will be honest and say that things that you may not want to hear, but need to hear. For example, ‘you need to lose weight and get healthier’ or that ‘starting a business is tough…what happens for you financially if it fails?’ Friends are often full of dishonest approval—they will tell you what makes you feel good.  I am guilty of that myself. For example, I am usually not as forthright with some friends when it comes to intimate relationships.  Usually your supporters they don’t want to discourage you, hurt your feelings or get you mad at them. Haters are far more honest in their criticism than your supporters are in their praise.

That’s why it’s important to be mature enough to listen—not necessarily agree, but truly listen—to your haters. Being able to sift through people’s envy and bad intentions toward you for the valuable truths in their criticism is often a key to greatness—and sometimes even survival. Because, as much as we hate to admit it, sometimes the haters are right. The truth is, haters are good at pointing out our weaknesses precisely because they are being critical—unlike our supporters, they are looking for our flaws. Allowing your haters to point out your vulnerabilities is a great way to address them before they can be exploited.

To be honest, I will take honest criticism any day over false approval.

What’s Your Thoughts?

Ms. Culture Keeper-